Tired of...
- waiting
- being patient
- acting like I'm patient
- explaining myself
- explaining adoption
- justifying my hurts and frustrations
- making analogies
- ungrateful parents (not mine, the kind who are sick of their kids)
- feeling alone
- not making future plans
- making future plans just to be distracted
- Babies R Us signs, ads, and emails
- walking past an empty nursery
- panicking that it might never happen
- asking God for this to be the one
- justifying God's "no"
- trying to understand God
- religious cliches having to do with God's timing
- saving money
- worrying about money in general
- not being able to imagine being a mom
- trying to imagine it, but being unsuccessful
- crying
- hoping
- planning
- accidental pregnancies
- family planning
- the word "birthmom"
- the words "potential situation"
- buying yellow, green, and white baby clothes
- the calendar
- updating clearances
- proving my worthiness of parenthood
- baby fever
- life being at a stand still
- politically correct adoption language
- politically incorrect adoption language
- needing to have a "language" that addresses the way we are building a family
*Please note, I fully expect these feelings to fluctuate in the next 12 hours. Check back later for your regular positive programming.
I get this. Not in a "waiting for a baby" way, but I do get the patience stuff, the not planning for the future, the waiting, the life on hold feeling, the religious cliches, the God stuff, feeling alone, explaining myself, ungrateful people, not being a mom...
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of sounding cliche or being a bad friend or not sounding supportive, just remember to be grateful you have your Prince Charming. I'm still waiting on that part of life...again.
Hey, this may not be any help, but maybe while you're waiting, I'll catch me a man and then our kids can be closer in age?!?
And looks like a good time for massages. Good thing we've got that covered!
Yup. I'm with you. Thanks for putting it into words.
ReplyDeleteWaiting and hoping are not easy to live out. Hope is not optimistic as many may think. There is pain in hoping for something you can't see. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Pr 13:12 This is the verse I clung to waiting for my husband and after two miscarriages. Keep giving it back to God, Michelle.
ReplyDeletelove you cuz!
june
Ahmen sister! I found you through production not repoduction and all I can say is I know what you mean.
ReplyDeleteTotally. Get. It.
ReplyDeleteOh, I so hear you! This is a wearisome journey. I constantly ask myself if there's children at the end of it all...there will be...there is! I was just telling my friend it's not being pregnant for 9 months, it's like being stuck at 3 cm for 9 months! I'm preaching to my own heart as much as anyone elses. I will be praying for you and your precious little one today. Lord hasten the day!!!
ReplyDeleteRight there with you on all counts. I solved the issue of buying gender neutral baby clothes by actually buying boy and girl specific items...with the justification that I can always use them for baby gifts later if needed.
ReplyDelete