Waiting for the Wait

No news on our approval yet. Hoping this is the week we receive the official "okay," and then we can be really waiting.

I keep watching our ticker...12 weeks, 4 months, 6 months, now almost 7 since we first applied for the adoption. I guess somewhere in the back (or front) of my mind, I am hoping for a miracle - to have a baby before it reaches 9 months. I think it would be neat to have a story where it took less than 9 months to have a baby. Then I start to realize the baby process began long before the ticker started...I know we're over a year into the adoption process already, from decision to want to start a family, to giving up on trying to conceive, to choosing adoption and an agency, to waiting for the first informational meeting, to references, and now for approval. I never considered how much waiting there would be before we even get to "wait for a baby" (wait to be chosen). Oh God, give me patience.

The song in my heart this week has been "Worship While I'm Waiting." Such a cheesy song from a cheesy movie, but I can't get it out of my head. I need to remember that God already knows where our baby is, what stage of development (if any) the baby is in, and where they are. He is holding the baby in His hands, and waiting for just the right moment to trust Herb and I with this responsibility.

I am not aching for a baby the way I thought I would over the holidays. It's not a pain like "I can't believe we don't have a baby yet. Life's not fair..." It's just more of a baby-consumes-my-every-waking-and-sleeping-thought issue, and wishing I could focus on something else for a minute or two. My mom lovingly assured me that if I was pregnant I would be going through the same thing.

God, use this time to prepare me. Help me to trust you more in this situation.